How to find mum friends, and why they’re so important |

It can be really lonely being a mum, especially in the early days of motherhood, when you have no idea what day it is, what you’ve done, or how to handle some of the more challenging parts of your day.

In these early days, and beyond, many of us feel an intense need to make mum friends who understand what we’re going through, and that we can share our ups and downs with.

If you’d like to learn a little bit more about how to find mum friends, why they’re important, and even get some conversation starter ideas, then this post should hopefully provide you with a great starting point.

Why are mum friends important?

Mum friends are important for many reasons, some of which include:

They 100% understand what you’re going through, making you feel less alone in any challenges you’re currently facing.
You can honestly share the ups and downs of motherhood with them, they’ve been there, or are still there, and you can talk without judgement about how you’re feeling, which has a huge affect on your mental and physical health.
They can provide up to date, tried, and tested advice.
They make you feel less alone, especially if like me you’ve moved to another country, or another area, and have no local friends.

How to find mum friends

The thought of finding mum friends, and then approaching them can feel really, really uncomfortable for many of us, myself included, especially if you’re shy.

However, pushing through these feelings and making mum friends is a much needed part of motherhood.

Here are some ways that you can find mum friends.

Antenatal classes

Finding mum friends is something you can start to think about before your baby is born, and a great way to do this is by attending antenatal classes, which are classes you attend (usually by choice) to learn about taking care of your baby.

Postnatal groups

Once your baby is born postnatal groups are a great place to find mum friends, as they’re filled with mums that are in the same stage of motherhood as you, making conversations easier to start.

Postnatal groups are typically organised by local councils, health visitors, and organisations like NCT, where you learn how to take care of your baby, and share experiences around sleep, weaning, and all things baby related.

Classes and playgroups

There are many classes and playgroups that you can take your 0-5 year old to, which are perfect places to find friends.

Some types of classes are baby yoga, music, toddler gym, and even library rhyme times.

There may also be playgroups held in your local village hall or church, where for a small entrance fee, or no fee at all, your child can play with toys whilst you enjoy a hot drink and a conversation with another mum.

The best thing about classes and groups is that you can be as social as you want, you can talk to other mums every class, or if you’re new you can observe the class whilst helping your child play.

Child friendly places

Visiting child friendly places is one of the ways that I’ve found mum friends.

Places like softplays, farms, parks, and other places where mums take their children are a great place to meet and talk to other mums.

Apps

Believe it or not apps are a great way to find mum friends because they’re full of mums who want to make friends as well, so it feels less awkward reaching out to them.

I met my first mum friend when I moved to the UK on a Facebook group. I posted a message saying that I was moving to the area and would love to meet other mums with a child that was the same age as mine.

For me using an app was way less intimidating than approaching a mum face to face, because only mums who were in the same position as me would reply.

Some apps that you can use to find mum friends are:

You can also use these apps to ask for local child friendly recommendations. Mums love to help other mums with these requests, and you never know, a mum may even ask you to join her next time she visits somewhere.

Forums

How to find mum friends isn’t just something that you can to do face to face.

You may just want to feel part of a community, or seek advice from other mums without having to make an offline connection.

If this is the case, there are online forums dedicated to mums helping other mums with advice and kind words, so you feel less lonely.

Some of these include:

School mums

Becoming friends with school mums can be great, however, there is absolutely no pressure to find mum friends this way if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, or simply don’t want to.

From my own experience, school runs can become very awkward if a school mum friendship changes suddenly.

So for you, and now for me, making school mum friends may just mean being friendly with other school mums without extending the friendliness outside of the school gates, which saves your sanity, and ensures things don’t get more awkward than they need to.

After school clubs

If there’s a mum you regularly see at after school clubs, you may like to start a conversation with them, and if your kids become friends, this could be a good way to see if you think you may like to become friends with them too.

What can you talk about with other mums?

Two great topics that you can talk about with other mums are your children, and of course motherhood.

Your children

Talking about your children is the most natural topic to start with when you want to talk to someone you don’t know.

You can comment on how cute their child’s outfit is, and ask them where they got it.

You can also comment on something their child is doing, and say that your child does that too.

This is how I made one of my current mum friends. Her child was trying to get out of his highchair, and I commented that my son does the same thing. We then started talking about the other things they do as well.

Motherhood

The ups and downs of motherhood are great conversation starters.

If you’re out and you see another mum sitting by themselves, perhaps you could sit next to them and say how nice it is to finally get to sit down for a moment, then ask her if she’s been where you are before, or how old her child is.

This can start a conversation about a multitude of other mum experiences.

It takes courage to find mum friends, but it can be worth it

It can be scary sparking up conversations with other mums.

I was forced out of my comfort zone when I moved to the UK from Australia, because I had no friends and was forced to find some.

Many times I had to force myself to ask if another mum wanted to exchange phone numbers and catch up another time, which felt so cringey, but I had nothing to loose.

The more I did it, the easier it became, and some of my mum friendships worked, and some didn’t.

Finding mum friends takes time, practice, and courage. Friendships don’t happen overnight, and they take time to develop, but it’s worth pursuing because having someone to share motherhood stories with makes your days better.

A nice reminder about friendships

Not all friendships last forever, which is nice to remember if a mum friendship doesn’t work out, which has happened to me more than once.

There’s a saying that I heard long ago, and still tell myself today, which is:

“Some people are in your lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”.

You’ll have friends that are in your life for a reason, they get you through a tough time, or help you in your day to day life, like work colleagues.

You’ll have friends that are in your life for a season, such as friends you make when you both have babies and you help each other get through the baby years.

Then you’ll have friends that are in your life for a lifetime, the friends that you couldn’t live without, even if you go for a long period of time without seeing them.

Not all friendships have to be deep and long lasting, sometimes your mum friends will be for a reason or a season, and that’s worth remembering.

No matter the types of mum friends you make, the best ones are the ones where you support each other, and that you can talk about all aspects of motherhood with, whether that’s face to face, or in an online community.

Have you got any tips on how to find mum friends?

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How to find mum friends, and why they’re so important

Why are mum friends important?