When it all gets too much, what has to give?
Last Updated on April 4, 2024
When it all gets too much, and you’re starting to feel the weight of the world, which is what’s happening to me right now, there comes a time where you have to ask yourself, what has to give?
Two weeks ago we moved house, prior to the move there was a period of five weeks where we were in between houses.
During these five weeks I moved smaller items to the new house, set it up, cleaned it, and coordinated viewings of the old house, whilst having young children hanging off my legs and complaining.
Once moving day came where we moved the big items out of our old house, and I dealt with cleaners, changing utility companies, and everything else that’s involved in a move, the level of stress I felt, and put myself under was immense.
It made for a move that I felt was my worst one yet.
All of the build up, the stress, the responsibility I took on, and now a longer commute to school and after school commitments, is making me lash out on a daily basis.
It just takes one little thing to annoy me, one thing to make me turn into the Hulk, and hardly anything to make me scream and threaten those that I love the most.
I just can’t go on like this.
One of the things that’s making me so angry and yell at everyone in the morning is the stress of getting Ryan to his school on time, which is now 20 minutes from home.
20 minutes doesn’t seem like a lot, and my one condition for moving was that Ryan didn’t have to change schools, so I told myself 20 minutes is nothing, it’s doable, despite there literally being a school at the end of my road he can go to, I’m determined to keep him in his current school.
However, this determination is turning me into a nightmare to live with, and I am questioning, is it worth it?
Is it worth me treating everyone horribly, and putting my body through daily stress to keep him in a school that we have no real ties to, and also keeping Thomas’ at a nursery near Ryan’s school?
So I keep asking myself, when it all gets too much, which is what’s happening, what has to give?
What has to give to stop me feeling so angry, to stop me being horrible to everyone every day, to stop putting so much pressure on myself?
The only solution I can think of is to change Thomas’ nursery, and sadly change Ryan’s school. They make the most immediate sense to make my life easier, even if especially for Ryan, it makes his life a little more challenging for a short time.
For me, it would mean missing out on morning chats with some mum friends, that is sometimes what gets me out the door in the morning, and something I value, which honestly is probably the largest reason I don’t want to change Ryan’s school.
Deep down I know that what has to give is the stress I’m putting on myself each day to get my children to where they need to be, where I want them to be, despite their being the same options much closer to home.
Do I change their lives, or do I continue doing what I’m doing, but lessening the pressure I put on myself to get to nursery and school early? If we’re late on occasion, can I accept that?
Something has to give, and the more opinions I get on it, the more confused I become, but I know that I have to stop being the version of myself that I am right now.
I’m yelling, screaming, resenting the move, and am a horrible person to live with.
I need to make a change, and need to work out soon what that change is.
What have you had to give when a situation has gotten too much?
