Setting boundaries in motherhood, and why it’s time I set some

Last Updated on March 31, 2024

As mums we have a very limited amount of time and energy, and as much as we’d like to be like the Energizer Bunny and just keep going and going, we simply can’t.

Sometimes all it takes is for one thing, one feeling, or one person, to dip into our time and energy in a way that depletes it so much that we either explode with anger, or reach mum burnout.

Recently I experienced this, where someone was requesting a lot of my time, and as a result I felt angry and resentful towards the person, and the amount of time I was dedicating to their requests that weren’t appreciated.

It made me realise that I need to set boundaries around my time, as well as other areas of my mum life.

Before I talk about the boundaries I need to set, I want to first look at what boundary setting is, and when do we know it’s time to set some.

I hope that by doing this, it helps you to set your own boundaries, if setting boundaries in motherhood, or in fact any area of your life, is something you want to do.

What are boundaries?

Setting boundaries means imposing limits, or setting rules with others, to protect certain areas of your life.

It means you’re telling people what’s okay, and what’s not okay in their treatment of you.

When is it time to set boundaries?

You know you need to set a boundary when something happens that you’re not okay with.

For example, me feeling furious about my time being taken advantage of in the above situation, made me realise I need to set some rules, or boundaries, around my time, so I don’t feel furious about future requests from others.

What are my boundaries?

Now that I know setting boundaries is a result of not wanting to feel a particular way about something, it’s time I set some boundaries for things that are not okay with me, or that aren’t a good fit with my current stage of motherhood.

There are different types of boundaries, but many of the boundaries I am now going to set are to do with my time, and how and who I spend it on.

Here are the boundaries I’m now going to set, and what prompted the need to set them.

Relationships with school mums

A bad experience I’ve had with a school mum, where the mum made me feel really bad about myself, and ultimately had a huge impact on Ryan changing schools mid year, has made me set a boundary about future school mum relationships.

So my boundary for relationships with school mums is now:

Boundary:

Be friendly and polite to other school mums, but don’t develop close friendships with them.

Weekend sports

We often think we should do something, and weekend sports is something I sometimes think Ryan should do, but I know that in my current stage of motherhood adding this to my plate will make me feel resentful to my husband who works on weekends and can’t help, and will add a financial and time cost I just can’t factor in right now.

So, my boundary for weekend sports is now:

Boundary:

Weekend sports are something that won’t be happening in our household until my husband and I can share the demands of it evenly, and until we have the finances to do it.

Going to restaurants

Going to restaurants with two kids isn’t something that I enjoy, and is something that is a stressful experience instead of an enjoyable one because Ryan is going through a fussy eating stage, and entertaining kids at a restaurant is something I don’t want to do all the time.

So, my boundary for going to restaurants is now:

Boundary:

No eating at restaurants until Thomas is 4 years old, with the exception of when we’re travelling and we don’t have cooking facilities, or we can’t access takeaway to eat in our hotel.

Giving time to others

This boundary is the result of my anger in the above situation, which has made me prioritise who in my life will get my time, so I don’t give it to those who don’t deserve it, or don’t respect it.

So, my boundary for giving my time to others is now:

Boundary:

The people in my life who get my time are me, my husband, my kids, my sister, my parents, and my closest friends.

Any requests of my time from other people will be politely declined, or I’ll advise who else can assist them apart from me.

Alone time

I’m really hard to be around when I don’t get time to myself, because as an introvert, I need alone time to recharge.

So, my boundary for alone time is now:

Boundary:

No blog work, or completing household responsibilities 4 nights a week after the kids are in bed, which is time to spend doing other things that make me happy.

Reactions to your boundaries

We can’t control how others will react to our boundaries, and we’re not responsible for their feelings towards our boundaries, because by setting boundaries you will receive pushback from others, because they have different expectations on your time and energy than you do.

If we don’t set boundaries for things that are important to us, we’ll constantly find ourselves in situations, or with people who don’t make us feel good, or who aren’t adding to our quality of life.

Do you have boundaries that work really well for you?