Thoughts on making friends as adults
Making friends as adults is hard, and it’s something that I’ve had to do since moving the UK nearly 6 years ago, which I’ve found really difficult.
There’s something about making friends as adults that just feels hard, it feels like everyone already has their friendship groups, and they don’t need anymore friends.
It also feels awkward approaching someone and striking up a conversation, unlike when you’re younger, you’re more afraid of what others may think of your conversation starters.
The adult friendships I’ve made since moving have been mum friendships, friendships with mums who have children the same age as mine, because conversation starters have centred on how similar or dissimilar our children are.
I’ve also made a few friendships with school mums, but not all of these friendships have lasted, which has lead to awkward schoolyard encounters.
I thought that adult friendships were going to be more stable than high school ones, but it turns out that they’re just as fragile, maybe even more so.
Adult friendships can break down for any reason, or any minor judgement or disagreement, and we don’t have the time to rebuild them if there’s a slight crack in them, because we have too many other responsibilities.
Three types of friendships
Something I heard about a long time ago were the three types of friendships, which are friendships for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Friendships for a reason are friendships that help you get through something, like a hard time at work.
Friendships for a season are friendships that help you through a season of life, such as helping each other when you both have babies.
Friendships for a lifetime are friendships with people that have stood the test of time, and even if you live in different places, you can count on them.
What are my thoughts on future adult friendships?
I’m not entirely sure the point of this post is, but if there is one it’s to summarise what I’ve been thinking about friendships in adulthood, which I hope comforts anyone who has similar thoughts.
In terms of adult friendships in my life, I’ve had some good experiences, and some bad experiences, and recently the bad experiences have made me not want to seek out any new friendships.
However, there’s still a part of me that wants to be social, try new things, and find friends that I can eventually have the same level of deepness with to the friends I left behind when I moved overseas.
There’s something about friends, about having someone to confide in, or someone to share your problems with that I really value, and that I still want to seek out.
Knowing that not all friendships are lifetime ones may make any future friendship failures less painful, or make finding friends as adults a bit easier. I’m not sure, but I really hope putting myself out there, and learning from my mistakes makes it worthwhile.
What are your thoughts on adult friendships?
