How I feel about coming out of camel mode |

Camel mode is a term that I recently heard about on one of my favourite podcasts for mums, and it immediately became something I wanted to know more about because it really resonated with me, and I suspected it may resonate with many other mums as well.

If camel mode is a term you’ve heard and would like to know more about, or you’re curious about what it is, then I hope this post clarifies any questions you may have, and even makes you feel more at ease with the stage of motherhood you’re currently in.

In this post

What is camel mode for mums?

Camel mode was first discussed by Kathryn Jezer-Morton in her newsletter Brooding, on The Cut, which I heard her talk more about on the No Filter podcast by Mamamia.

In her newsletter, Jezer-Morton describes camel mode as a time when your entire sense of self, and your needs, are wrapped up in meeting the needs of your children.

She further describes it as:

“…you are crossing a metaphysical desert of the self, without water, like a camel. “Water” is your sense of personal sovereignty – it lives inside you somewhere (in your … humps), but after you become a parent, it recedes from view and soon from mind.

You can be in camel mode for years without realizing it because part of what defines it is a dulling of the senses. What you care about in camel mode is that everyone is quiet and disaster is averted. Your standards for what constitutes a fun time dip to historic lows.”

What happens in camel mode?

Some of the things that happen in camel mode are:

You’re focussed on quietness and disaster aversion
You’ve forgotten what fun means to you
You don’t have the energy or physical resources to do, or even think of things that you used to love before having children
You live in reaction mode, reacting to what life throws at you
You don’t expect much
You loose much of the intimacy and emotional connections you once had with your partner and friends

Coming out of camel mode

Jezer-Morton states that leaving camel mode is about relearning how to feel desire, any kind of desire, which to me also means having a life outside of motherhood.

Camel mode doesn’t just apply to motherhood, you may find yourself in camel mode at other stages of life, such as caring for sick loved ones, whilst job hunting, or any other time where your energy and resources are focused on a life event.

How I feel about coming out of camel mode

I didn’t realise that I was out of camel mode until I heard the podcast talking about it.

Once I realised that I was out of camel mode, I immediately became a happier mum, because I realised that the days of giving 100% of myself are behind me, and I can now combine things I want to do for myself with parenting.

Having a term for the stage of motherhood when you’re deep in the trenches of little kids, and when you’re so focused on survival, has reminded me that this stage of motherhood doesn’t last forever, and in fact I’m now out of it.

Sometimes it just takes a term, or an article, to make you think about what stage of motherhood you’re in, and appreciate how far you’ve come, and what you’ve got to be excited for.

Of course I’m not out of meeting the needs of my boys’, that’s something that will never truly happen, but I’m out of the intense 100% focus on meeting their needs, giving me time to explore things that I love again, and realising this because of the term has made me instantly happier.

Signs that I had left camel mode

Now that I know I’ve left camel mode, I can’t think of any particular signs that signified I had left it.

I do know I was willing for my youngest son to turn 3, because I remember from my oldest son that was the age where I started to enjoy motherhood, and showed me that I prefer parenting older children.

So now that I think about it, leaving camel mode wasn’t a series of small things, it was an age milestone, that age being 3, and once my youngest turned 3 I just felt more comfortable as a mum, and knew that I would be able to not only enjoy motherhood, but not be so consumed by it.

Realising that I’m out of camel mode has made me look at my more challenging mum days in a different light, by seeing that these days are now just part of parenting, instead of being a part of my whole being.

What are your thoughts on camel mode?