Becoming a mum of two, what I’ve learnt

Last Updated on April 12, 2024

I had no idea what becoming a mum of two would be like, or if I’d learn anything during this time.

It turns out that I learnt quite a bit, so now that I’m one year into becoming a mum of two, I thought it would be interesting to recap what I’ve learnt, so I can look back on this time once my boys are older.

I also hope that by sharing what I’ve learnt, other mums, no matter how many children they have, can relate to some of them, or even feel reassured that they’re not alone in some of the things they’ve learnt.

Here’s what I’ve learnt since becoming a mum of two boys.

You can still be nervous about birth

Before having Ryan I didn’t read birth stories, I didn’t research what happens during labour, and I didn’t read any baby development, or birth books, because I wanted to go into my own birth experience with no expectations, or fears about what could go wrong.

After having Ryan and making mum friends who had babies the same age as Ryan, I heard their birthing stories, and they weren’t all good.

Their stories, plus being induced with Thomas, made me really nervous about birth the second time around, a level of nerves I didn’t feel at all the first time.

You can be sad about your first child’s life changing

Ryan was an only child for four years, during this time we spent a lot of time together, so we developed a close bond.

Just before Thomas was born, I remember feeling really sad that once Thomas was born I wouldn’t be able to give Ryan the same level of attention that he currently had.

I wasn’t sad about becoming a mum of two, I was sad about how Ryan’s and my relationship would change once Thomas was born.

You can forget what life was like before two children

Once Thomas was born I forgot what life was like without him, it felt like he was always part of the family.

Ryan was great with him from day one, and I didn’t have to do much to prepare him for a sibling.

Thomas fit into our family dynamic quickly, making it feel as though he was always with us, and I couldn’t remember what it was like before he was born.

It can feel like you’re starting over again

I must have blocked out what having a newborn is like, because I forgot the most simplest things once Thomas arrived, like how to play with him, how often he needed sleep, and even how much to feed him.

I had to relearn a lot, and learn how to handle things that Ryan never went through, like what to do when Thomas had a fever on and off for four days, which resulted in a trip to A&E.

Becoming a mum of two was just like starting from scratch, and having to relearn many of the day to day things that come with having a newborn.

Mum guilt about meeting both children’s needs happens

There were many times when Ryan wanted to play with me that I had to tell him to wait because Thomas needed me more.

Conversely, there were times when Thomas needed to sleep, but instead had to be put in the car so I could get Ryan to school.

Not being able to meet both of my children’s needs all of the time gave me a lot of mum guilt, because I constantly felt like I was letting one of them down, or making one of them feel as though their needs weren’t as important as the other’s.

I had to learn to be easier on myself regarding this, and put a more positive spin on it, by remembering that every time one of my boys had to work something out for themselves, they were becoming independent, which is a skill they’ll need in adulthood.

I can’t do it all by myself

I’d rather become overwhelmed or burnt out than ask for help.

However, since becoming a mum of two I’ve had to ask for help, because I just can’t do it all on my own.

Even if it’s been asking for help making Ryan’s dinner, getting him ready for bed, or getting Thomas a dummy, I’ve had to ask for help as my sanity and energy levels just can’t cope with doing it all, all of the time.

I’ve had to do things differently and be okay about it

With Ryan I timed everything, so his naps, feeds, and playtime were pretty much the same everyday.

Becoming a mum of two has meant that I can’t be structured like this, as each child has to work around the other child sometimes.

For example, Thomas has had to miss naps due to doing school runs, or Ryan has had to stay home because Thomas needs a nap.

Other things I’ve done things differently as a second time mum include getting Thomas to self settle, ditching baby classes, and trying not to panic when Thomas cries in public.

Sibling relationships happen even with an age gap

There’s a four year age gap between Ryan and Thomas, which wasn’t intentional, but has worked out fine because Ryan is great with Thomas.

Seeing Ryan build a bond with Thomas, making him laugh, or showing him how to play with his toys, makes me really happy.

Of course there’s times when they don’t get along, but watching them form their own relationship has been really nice.

All it takes is something small to feel like I’ve accomplished a lot

I’m very to do list orientated, and since becoming a mum of two there are days where I can’t get anything from my to do list done, and I’ve had to be okay with that.

I’ve had to learn that even small things are a big win when it comes to motherhood, and at the end of the day I’ve had to relish these small wins, even if all I’ve done is get Thomas to nap.

What have you learnt since becoming a mum?