7 ways to have a life outside of motherhood

Last Updated on August 7, 2024

For many of us identifying as a mum, and throwing everything that we’ve got into it, is exactly what we want, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that at some point, especially during the baby stage, this is the case for many of us.

However, at some point there may come a time when you want to start to have a life outside of motherhood, and do some things that you used to enjoy before having kids, or that you want to start.

There’s no timeline, no pressure, and no need to find a life outside of motherhood, but if it’s something you want to do, then here are 7 ways to do it.

Why having a life outside of motherhood is beneficial

Having a life outside of motherhood is beneficial because:

One day your children won’t need you as much

There will come a time when your children won’t need you as much, which happens as children leave the baby years, but ramps up as they head towards the teenage years.

I have friends with older children who have told me that it can be lonely as your children get older and need you less, because it makes you question what to do with the extra time you have, and ask yourself who you are and what you love doing.

Finding a life outside of motherhood before your children don’t need you as much will help you to fill your time when this happens, and will help with the loneliness you may feel.

You’re important

Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s, and having a life outside of motherhood is something that can make you feel really good about yourself, and minimise any feelings of mum burnout that you may have.

7 ways to have a life outside of motherhood

Here are 7 ways to have a life outside of motherhood.

Find self care practices that are right for you

Whether we love or hate this advice, self care really is a great way to have a life outside of motherhood, and it means doing anything that makes you feel good, that you love doing, and is just for you.

For me self care means working on this blog, reading, or decluttering the house, because these things clear my mind, and make me feel better.

Here’s how to make time for self care and some self care ideas that take 30 minutes or less, so you can start to do things that make you happy.

Start saying no

Saying no to things can be hard for many of us, myself included.

I often find myself saying yes to kid’s parties I don’t want my son to attend, yes to play dates I don’t have time for, and yes to so many other things that I just don’t want to do.

Saying yes to something means saying no to time we could be spending doing something for ourselves, or finding activities that we can do outside of motherhood.

So before saying yes to something ask yourself if you have the time to do it, if it will benefit your child, or if it’s something you actually want to do, and if you don’t then say no and use the time in a way that suits you better.

Spend less time on household chores

Spending less time on household chores is also something many of us find hard, as keeping your house tidy with kids is a huge task, we could spend all day cleaning and tidying and not get anywhere.

Which is why spending less time on household chores is something we need to do to make more time for ourselves.

A great way to start to practice this is to only do something immediately that absolutely has to be done, like wiping spills, or cleaning breakages. Anything else, including dishes or laundry, can wait until later in the day, or when there’s a bigger pile.

Spend time with other adults

Spending time with other adults is a great way to have a life outside of motherhood, because spending time with others, including mum friends, is a great way to learn new things, seek advice, and have a conversation that extends beyond Peppa Pig’s latest adventure.

There are many ways you can spend time with other adults, or catch up with friends, that can take as much or as little time as you have, including:

• Play dates
• Kid free coffee, lunch, or dinners
• Phone calls
• Text messages
• Voice notes
• Joining an online book club
• Joining an online forum or Facebook group in an activity you love

Rediscover a hobby, or find a new one

Hobbies are a great way to have a life outside of motherhood, so if there’s a hobby that you used to love before you had kids, or if there’s something that you’ve wanted to start doing, now’s the time.

One way you can rediscover a hobby is to make a brain dump of everything that you used to love doing before becoming a mum, and choose one or a few of these things to start up again.

If you want to find a new hobby, list some things that you’re interested in, ask others for ideas on things you’re good at, or check out these hobby ideas for mums, choose some and then make plans to start them, which you can do by setting goals, which is explained next.

Set some goals

Once you have some ideas on how you’d like to have a life outside of motherhood, a great way to start them is to break them down into smaller goals.

For example, if you want to start baking, you can break this down into smaller goals as follows:

• Goal 1 Make a list of 5 recipes you want to try
• Goal 2 Choose 1 recipe you want to try first
• Goal 3 Schedule a baking day into your calendar
• Goal 4 Buy the ingredients
• Goal 5 Bake the recipe on the day you’ve scheduled it
• Goal 6 Do goals 1-5 for the next recipe

Make having a life outside of motherhood a priority

Making time for yourself when you’re a mum and making a life outside of motherhood needs to be a priority, otherwise it won’t happen.

If this means putting it on your to do list, or scheduling it into your planner or digital calendar than do it.

Your needs, your time, and your life is just as important as everyone else’s, and making time for yourself is not something to feel guilty about.

What things do you like to do that are just for you?