How to stop being hard on yourself as a mum

Last Updated on March 17, 2024

As mums we can be really hard on ourselves. We can be our harshest critic, constantly telling ourselves that we shouldn’t have done something, why didn’t we do something better, feeling guilty about doing or not doing something, the list goes on.

If you’d like to stop being hard on yourself as a mum, here are some helpful tips on how to do so, which will positively impact how you feel about yourself, and how much you enjoy the stage of motherhood you’re in.

Accept your stage of life

Motherhood brings with it a lot of changes, and our lives, and sometimes our identities change with it, which can make us long for a life outside of motherhood.

It’s normal to miss the life we had before becoming a mum, but constantly looking back at what we used to do, and who we used to be, only reminds us of what we miss, not what we’ve gained.

Accepting your stage of life as it is, and not constantly looking back at what it was, is one way to stop being hard on yourself, as it forces you to see what has changed in a positive way.

Say no to mum guilt

Mum guilt is the never-ending feeling that you’re not doing enough as a mum, or that you’re not doing things the right way.

One way to let go of mum guilt is to challenge any thoughts you’re having about mum life, question why you’re thinking them, and more often than not you’ll discover that what you’re thinking isn’t true.

Let go of perfectionism

There’s no such thing as a perfect mum.

Putting such high levels of perfection on yourself doesn’t allow room for mistakes, which makes you feel like you’re always coming up short, which guarantees you’ll be hard on yourself.

Letting go of doing things to such a high standard, and instead accepting a done is better than perfect attitude, can go a long way towards feeling better about your capabilities, and the way you feel about how you handle things.

Lower your expectations

Similar to letting go of perfection, lowering your expectations towards anything you’re finding challenging is a good way to stop being hard on yourself.

For example, lowering your expectations on how tidy your house needs to be when your kids are awake, allows you to stop working towards levels of tidy that aren’t possible until they’re in bed.

Treat yourself as you would others

We often say things to ourselves that we’d never say to others, which isn’t acceptable.

Talking to yourself with kindness, the same way you’d talk to others, eliminates the negative self-talk you tell yourself, which overtime makes you feel more confident and positive.

This too shall pass

Our kids go through many phases, and there are some that are more challenging than others.

Whenever you find yourself in a phase that’s hard, and where you find yourself beating yourself up about something you should or shouldn’t have done, remember that this too shall pass.

It may not feel like it at the time, but our kids change all the time, and something we’re finding hard or challenging, won’t be forever.

Say yes to screen time

For many of us, myself included, giving our kids screen time is the only way we can take time out as a mum, or get things done around the house that need to be done, even when the kids are home.

Saying yes to screen time, and not feeling guilty about it, or telling ourselves we’re not being good mums by doing so, is something that we should feel comfortable doing.

Plan playtime

As mums we can often feel like we don’t spend quality time with our kids.

One way to overcome this feeling is by planning playtime into our days, so when we are busy doing things around the house, or when our kids are playing independently we won’t feel guilty about leaving them to it, because we have played with them, and spent time with them.

Conclusion

As mums we need to stop being so hard on ourselves, we need to find ways to be kinder to ourselves, and stop trying to reach unrealistic levels of perfection.

Luckily, being hard on yourself is something you can work on by accepting the stage of life you’re in, challenging negative thoughts, lowering standards, treating yourself as you do others, remembering everything is a phase, and letting your kids enjoy screen time and independent playtime.

It takes time to stop being hard on yourself, but by working on it everyday you will eventually see a change in how you feel not only about yourself, but also the stage of motherhood you’re in.

How do you work towards not being so hard on yourself?